Host more and co-host more

If you live in DC, and any of the events I mention look interesting, please feel free to reach out! My email is kai at liquidbrain. Or, if you’d like to host something and want a co-host, I might be interested.

In July, I moved to a new apartment in Washington DC. Beyond wanting the usual things (lower rent), I put a good deal of effort into finding a place that’s good for hosting. I joined a group apartment close to a DC metro station which had a couple of spacious common areas with comfortable couches.

It’s made a bigger difference than I expected.

When I first moved to DC, I was in a lovely little one bedroom a little south of Silver Spring. I loved everything about that place except for the location. Or more specifically, how other people felt about the location. It was a little bit too far away from where my friends and acquaintances lived, and the few times I invited people over, I had trouble convincing people to make the trek.

That left me dependent on my existing friends to invite me to things. Luckily, I already knew a few people when I moved, so I didn’t begin from scratch. But it posed some challenges:

1. I’m dependent on my existing friends to include me. They’re lovely (and I’m very grateful), but that isn’t consistent — and I was ultimately freeloading off of other peoples’ hosting efforts.
2. When I met someone interesting at an event, there wasn’t a good pipeline to get to know them. Maybe I could ask to grab a coffee, but people are busy. Even if we met up once, it’s very difficult to see someone consistently one-on-one until we were good friends.
3. There were some events I wanted to go to — especially music related — which did not exist, or at least, I didn’t know how to find them.

Hosting more events in the new place has alleviated all of these challenges. It’s a way to pay back into the community. Inviting someone to an event is a low-pressure way to indicate that I’m interested in getting to know them better. And I’ve been able to start creating a space I otherwise would not have access to — a classical music open mic night I helped set up will hopefully inspire people to play more music together.

All this has been good, and I hope to host even more this coming fall.

Making hosting easier

Of course, hosting requires some work. But I think there are some small things to make it easier.

To start, host easy events.

A dinner party is a great way to spend an evening, but it requires a lot of preparation. A movie night only requires a room with a TV, a couple of chairs, and ideally some snacks. Starting with low-effort events has helped me become comfortable with running a social event and frankly, I wouldn’t have hosted anything at all if I’d started ambitiously.

One particular favorite of mine is to host a music listening party, which I’ll explain in the next post I write.

Even with simple events, the first things I hosted didn’t go particularly well. But certain events — like movie nights, picnics, and music listening parties — will probably be enjoyable even with an inexperienced host, or only a few people in attendance.

Consider using Partiful or an equivalent platform

It’s certainly possible to invite people via text/verbal invitations. But living in DC, I’ve found Partiful to be a useful tool.¹ It has reduced the friction to host something new, and also helps turn a hosting idea into a concrete project. Once I’ve made the Partiful page, it becomes a legible thing that I can point others toward.

Most of the people in my DC milieu use Partiful, but I assume that other places use other apps.

Co-host more!

I’ve been involved in three main event-series thus far: a book club, a classical music open mic night, and several music listening parties. With the first two events, I’ve co-hosted with someone else.

This has made the whole process so much more pleasant. I rarely feel like figuring out logistical details on my own, so I appreciate having someone else to divvy up the work with and keep me accountable. Multiple hosts means that there’s a larger pool of potential people to invite, and more of those people will be new to me.

And co-hosting has had the pleasant side-effect of making me better friends with my co-hosts. I started the monthly book club with someone I had met once at a happy hour; without it, we would have almost certainly remained acquaintances.

Ultimately, I find it more fun to co-host. Maybe you might as well?

Notes