I often want to change or build a habit. Perhaps I'd like to use screens less. Perhaps I'd like to exercise. In any case, I have a behavior that that in-the-moment-me does not always perform the way reflective-me wants.

Luckily, there are a lot of tools to approach this problem: I can manipulate my environment. I can create accountability bets. I can do all the basic things for health (sleep, water, good food, etc.) that help with everything else. However, these don't always work. In this post, I'll talk about another way I look at this problem which I haven't seen before.

In short: building habits is convincing future you of something. Future you is a different person, so you need to focus on what they want, not what you want.

Let's take an example. Suppose you have a friend Bob, whom you think should exercise right now. It's a good time for Bob to exercise, but he doesn't want to go. Would it be effective to tell him that "exercise will make him healthier"? Probably not. Bob probably already knows that. Likely, there's something else that is keeping him from exercising. Your task is not to convince Bob that exercise is good. It's to convince him that exercise is a good choice for him now and to remove any barriers he might have.

Telling him he made a prior commitment is good. Offering to give him a treat afterwards is good. Telling him that you saw his crush at the gym is very good (or very bad). Telling him that he should exercise? Maybe less effective.

Now imagine Bob is future you. To convince future you to exercise, you need to have a the same conversation. It's not enough to find what makes you want to exercise in a moment of reflection; you have to find what will get you to the gym when you actually need to make that choice.

This might not just be inspiring desire! You can use all the tactics of good salesmanship, which include the things I mentioned up top. A good salesman will control the environment in which the sale is made. They will remove barriers. And they'll think about what their client wants. You can too.

Notably, regimens and routines may not convince future you. Let's take an example of a bed-time routine. If I struggle to floss enough, I might give myself the rule that "I will not brush my teeth until I have flossed."¹ Flossing is mildly unpleasant, but I like the feeling of following my own rules, so I will start flossing consistently. This worked for me!

It would not work, for me, however if I required myself to take a cold shower before I brushed my teeth.

To take cold showers, I'd need to find a consistent and compelling reason for future me to want to take one. (For some people, having a routine might be that reason.)² I'm not quite sure what would work for me, but looking at problem this way gives me some ideas. Maybe I could make a competition with my friend. Maybe I'd treat myself to chocolate if and only if I'd taken a cold shower that day.³ Or maybe there's another selling point I can't immediately think of.⁴

Indeed, even my original example of flushing before brushing was motivated by more than the rule. I started dating someone with allergies, so oral hygiene became much more emotionally salient to me. It also helped that we got into a little debate over whether it was weird to floss before brushing.⁵ Both of these facts helped make flossing something I wanted to do, rather than just a chore.

In general, creating social incentives helps me do hard things.⁶ Maybe that will work for you too. But, I don't think the purpose of the post is to provide answers, or even suggestions. Instead, I want to pose a question:

"How do I convince future me to do what present me wants?"

Notes: